Losing a loved one : What I fear most

There are countless things I am afraid of in this world. I'm scared of little bugs, geckos, heights, enclosed spaces, and the most common fear: the dark. But what i'm truly afraid of out of every scary thing, is losing someone I love. Just the thought of it is scary enough to make me want to pray every night for everyone. You don't get scars from geckos or darkness but you get a scar from someone you care about passing away. A big, permanent, emotional scar. I know people who have lost a parent or a daughter or son. I honestly don't know how they go on with their lives and I respect and admire them for that. They are all strong and optimistic people. I know that someday i'll have to go through something like that, at least with my parents and uncles. I am aware of it but it seems as if the day is non-existent. I feel like it will never happen but it will. There's really no way to prepare you for something like that. The thought of never being able to listen to them, hear their voice, look at them face to face. Not being able to pick up a phone and just dial their number knowing they'll pick up or call back. Once someones gone they're gone. Its truly depressing and painful. I can already feel the loneliness just from the thought of it. That's why sometimes i hope i die before anyone else i know, so that i don't have to experience the pain. I know it's selfish but that's one way i cope whenever i think about someone close passing away. I pass away first and i'll just see them up in heaven. No tears, just hope and waiting.